Vulnerability Makes Your Stronger
Being vulnerable makes you stronger. Here's the definition I found for the word vulnerability: the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. That doesn't sound like a lot of fun, but vulnerability is critical on a team. I'd just define it differently. On a great team, being vulnerable means a willingness to admit when you've made a mistake or you don't know how to do something. Vulnerability is also a willingness to give and receive honest feedback without fear, and a willingness to subvert your needs to the needs of the team.
Without vulnerability, the real issues don't get discussed. Without vulnerability, people don't get the help they need. Without vulnerability, accountability suffers because no one's willing to admit when they're struggling to meet a goal or a target.
According to Patrick Lencioni in his amazing book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, the lack of what he calls vulnerability-based trust is the foundational dysfunction on most teams. Put in a more positive way, vulnerability-based trust is the foundational characteristic of any cohesive team. We're not talking about task-based trust like when you trust that another team member is going to do what they agreed to do. That's important, but it doesn't build culture. Vulnerability-based trust allows team members to be open and honest, even when it might be scary or uncomfortable. It's the kind of trust that allows a team member to say, "I'm not sure I know what to do and I need some help," or "I made a mistake and now I'm not so sure I can meet our target date." They show vulnerability even though it hurts a little bit, and the result is that the rest of the team trusts you more, and is more likely to show their vulnerability because you were willing to open up.
In the book The Culture Code, Daniel Coyle describes the steps that he calls the vulnerability loop.
Person A sends a signal of vulnerability. "I'm sorry I missed that deadline, the work was harder than I thought."
Person B detects that signal of vulnerability, and they respond by signaling their own vulnerability. "You know, I had a similar problem last year on a different project."
Person A detects that signal from person B, and a new norm emerges and closeness and trust increase. By being open and honest, person A enables person B to be the same way. Trust and the willingness to be more open and honest in the future is the result.
There are dozens of exercises you can do with your team that impact how safe people feel to let their guard down and be vulnerable, but most importantly, vulnerability needs to start with the leader. As the leader of your team, you need to be the model. If you're vulnerable, people will follow your lead. If not, people feel like they need to be perfect and they're not going to feel safe opening up. As the leader, where are you struggling? Where do you need help? Where do you need to say I'm sorry to someone on your team? What can you do to increase the level of vulnerability on your team today?