Are you giving your team the 3rd degree?

As a leader, how do you respond when someone challenges a decision that you've made? The wrong response could result in catastrophic consequences for your business. The wrong response slows down the decision-making process. It worsens the quality of decisions because you shut people down. It delays action. It slows growth. It frustrates the team. Most of all, it frustrates you as the leader. So, what is the wrong response?

The wrong response, number one, is shutting the other person down. Number two, showing anger or frustration. Now I know when you are talking in nice, slow, even tones, you think you're not coming across as angry. But if in your head you're angry, your tone and your body language is going to show that anger and it's going to shut people down. But more than shutting people down, more than anger or frustration, the thing I see most often is a level of questioning. A type of questioning that as a leader you think is just your way of getting to the truth, but it comes across as the third degree. It's closed-ended questions that aren't designed to find out what the other person knows - it's designed to make your point, and it makes the other person feel bad. It makes the other person feel dumb, and it results in the rest of the team that hears this (if you're in a team meeting) never wanting to challenge you because they don't want to feel that way. So what's the right response?

I call the right response a "thank you sandwich." When someone challenges a decision you've made, or even a decision the team has made…

·         Start off by thanking them. Thank them for caring enough to challenge the decision. Thank them before being willing enough and having the guts to challenge a decision that you as a leader had made or the team has made.

·         Then, be curious. Don't be defensive - be curious. Intellectual curiosity on your part, knowing that this other person is not trying to throw a wrench in the works, they're not trying to do the wrong thing, knowing that this person is just trying to get to the truth, and they have a concern, be curious. That curiosity is going to lead you to the next piece, which is…

·         Don't ask 3rd degree-type questions to make them feel bad. Ask good, open-ended questions to find out what they know that you don't know, not to make your point, not to make them feel bad or feel dumb. Ask open-ended questions out of intellectual curiosity to find out what they know that you may not know.

·         Then, based on that, make a decision. Either confirm the decision you've already made or make a new decision.

·         The last part of the thank you sandwich is to thank them. Regardless of whether they change your mind or the mind of the team, thank them again for challenging and helping you as a leader, helping you as a team. Further, think the issue through.