Do you want feedback OR praise?
A couple weeks ago, I was preparing for a keynote in North Carolina. I knew I needed feedback on this keynote, because I was trying something I hadn’t done before.
So I took it to my CEO roundtable, a group of 12 other CEOs I regularly get together with, with specific instructions: I didn’t just want the praise, the pats on the back. No! I wanted straight-to-the-point, constructive feedback that would help me make the keynote not just good, but great.
Now, if I'm being honest, what I really wanted was everyone to say that it was amazing, that nothing needed fixing, that it needed to be a TED talk and I should stop talking and just go write a book about it.
Instead, I got things like:
‘You may want to fix this…’
‘It's a little too heavy over here, you may want some more levity.’
‘When you say this, you may want to pause briefly, because I wasn't really sure of your point.’
Which was EXACTLY what I asked for. But that whole day I felt like sh*t. My ego had taken a hit.
‘Maybe this thing isn't as good as I thought it was…’
Once I got over the bruised ego, I used that feedback to work on my speech and make it a lot better than it was.
The lesson here?
I asked for the right thing, but I wasn’t quite prepared to hear it. I was so eager to hear praise, that I could have easily dismissed the constructive feedback. And with it, the chance to take the speech from good to great.
And that’s why mindset is KEY when receiving feedback.
Now, I’m not saying that all feedback is relevant and valuable.
(Don’t go asking your dentist about business strategy).
If you are going to ask for feedback, get crystal clear on who you should be asking.
Specifically, if you’re preparing a speech, don’t ask friends and family who aren’t part of the audience you’re targeting. At best, you may not get useful feedback. At worst, you may get feedback that really sets you back.
So, before you go asking for feedback, ask yourself these questions:
Who are the best people to ask for feedback?
Am I in the right mindset to get that feedback? Or do I just want praise?
That’ll set you on the right path to make the most of the feedback AND not lose your confidence in the process.
Now, let’s get real.
When was the last time your ego got in the way of hearing critical constructive feedback? When was the last time getting over that ego led to a major win? How did you do it? I might need your tip for my next ego appearance ;)