Are You Surrounding Yourself With the Right People?
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"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."
— Jim Rohn
Think About Your Neighborhood
Surround yourself with the right people in your work or business environment
Score the supportiveness, inspiration, and fulfillment of your work neighborhood on a scale of 1 to 10 and identify areas for improvement
What Business Organizations Are You Part of?
Assess the business organizations you are part of and rate their helpfulness, inspiration, and fulfillment on a scale of 1 to 10
Take steps to improve your involvement in these organizations to enhance their value and benefits to your business growth and development.
Do You Have A Coach Or Mentor?
Evaluate if you have a coach or mentor in your life and rate the quality of their support on a scale of 1 to 10.
Determine what steps you can take to improve your access to coaching or mentoring.
Mastermind Groups
Consider joining a mastermind group, such as those for coaches, CEOs, or speakers, to surround yourself with like-minded individuals who can provide support and guidance.
Evaluate your current involvement in mastermind groups on a scale of 1 to 10 and determine steps to improve, such as joining a paid group or creating your own.
Family & Friends Or Social Groups
You can choose who you spend time with and the quality of relationships you have.
Evaluate your friendships and social groups on a scale of 1 to 10 and consider how to improve them.
Your Local Community & Religious Values
Evaluate your local community on a scale of 1 to 10 and identify areas for improvement.
Assess your level of involvement in spiritual organizations on a scale of 1 to 10 and find ways to enhance your participation if it is an interest.
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Today, we're going to talk about your neighborhood and no, I'm not going to be Mr. Rogers. It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood. Oh my God. I just sang. That's pretty awful. But we're going to talk about your neighborhood. And what I mean by that is we're going to talk about who you surround yourself with. Who is in your neighborhood, your business neighborhood, your family neighborhood, your social neighborhood, your local community neighborhood.
Because I believe that our lives are incredibly impacted. In fact, I'm not sure our lives are impacted by anything else that's more important than the people we surround ourselves with. So I want to talk about the different ways to think about who you surround yourself with, the different parts of our lives where that's important.
And I think the best way for me to do that is to tell you a little bit of my story. Frankly, it gives me an excuse to tell you a little bit more about me. If you care, if you don't care then you probably wouldn't be listening. So I'm assuming you love me or you at least like me and you care.
So let me tell you a little bit about my background and where my quote unquote neighborhood has impacted me. And then we'll talk about how you might want to think about it and maybe even get you assessing different parts of your neighborhood, coming up with actions for different parts of your neighborhood.
So I'm not going to go back to my childhood growing up in the Bronx. I had a lovely childhood, but we're not going to go back that far. But I want to go back to the first half of my career. And we're going to spend most of our time on the second half. My career is 35 plus years long. And for the first half of those 35 years, I was in management consulting working for half of that time for a company now called Accenture.
When I was there, they were just the consulting arm of Arthur Anderson and then Anderson consulting. And then I worked for the other half of that time with a company called Deloitte. Deloitte Consulting. And in the last bunch of years in my management consulting career, I was traveling a good bit. A good bit is to put it lightly.
I spent three and a half years traveling from New Jersey to California four or five days a week almost every week. I was working with Levi's in San Francisco, then I was working with Disney's retail operation outside of LA. And the work wasn't bad, but I had... two kids at home, one with special needs. My wife was working full time.
It wasn't a life. So I decided me and my wife both decided we needed to make a change. So back in 2004 I started my first business. I said, let me start a local business, get out of consulting and see if I could build something that I could be proud of and actually still get to see my wife and kids every week.
So I bought an office. That was part of a franchise called PrideStaff. It was staffing and recruiting. Staffing and recruiting was not the right business for me. It was a three year business where man, a few hundred thousand dollars went out the window. And at that time, that was all of our savings and then some.
Throughout those three years, and by the way I probably should have got out of that business after one year if I had listened to my wife, but the reason why I bring that up is because about two years in the most stressful time of the month for me was those times in the month, two or three times a month where I had to sit down and pay the bills.
There's nothing more, there was nothing more stressful at the time than me figuring out what we could afford to pay and what we couldn't afford to pay. What could wait? How much should we pay on the credit cards? And how the heck were we going to pay the mortgage? Now I have always been a little bit more entrepreneurial, a little bit more optimistic about the future, a little bit more of a risk taker than my wife.
So I was afraid to tell her how badly we were really doing because I know she, I just knew or thought I knew that she was going to say, cut the crap, suck it up go get a real job. We need a regular paycheck coming in again. So I hid it from her for a while, which made the stress even greater. Which impacted me in all parts of my life and it finally got to the point where I wasn't sure how we were going to keep paying the mortgage that I said I've got to tell her. You know, I've got to let her know what's going on. But I knew she was going to tell me to close the business and get a job. And again this was about two years in, so I told her and instead of
demanding that I go get a job. She listened, she said okay we're going to figure it out. We're going to start mowing the lawn ourselves. We don't need the nanny taking care of the kids anymore. We're going to save money here. We're going to save money here. I know this business is important to you. You're doing a lot of the right things.
We're going to make this work. That's the amazing wife I have. Now, I don't tell you this because this is an episode about how great my wife is, although that'd be a great episode. I've been married 33 years, very happily. But I tell you that because that's the first part of your neighborhood that I want to talk about.
I have over the many years I've been doing this especially in my years working with business owners and entrepreneurs as a coach, which has been the last man 17 years or so of my life. I have seen much more often unsupportive spouses, parents, children, girlfriends, boyfriends, all I've seen so many entrepreneurs and leaders that just have to deal with it themselves because the closest people around them are not supportive.
The fact that I have had and still have an incredibly supportive spouse meant that I was able to keep my entrepreneurial dream going. Having that support meant everything. The level of stress, after having that conversation. I mean, man I was still stressed. We still weren't doing well. And my business, we weren't doing well financially.
My business was still not doing well. So man I'm not going to tell you the stress went away. But man that stress chopped in half. And then when I finally decided a year later, probably two years too late, that it was time to walk away from that business and get back to my roots in consulting, but this time do it as a coach.
Again, I had that incredibly supportive spouse because even though that business has become very, very successful. It wasn't that way right away. I had a rough start. My first two years in coaching. I wasn't throwing money out the window like I was in my staffing and recruiting business. But man the money was not flying in.
It was still not easy to pay all the bills. Now I joined a coaching organization at the time with a lot of other people doing similar work. But I had a lot of pride back then. I worked for Accenture. I worked for Deloitte Consulting. I know what I'm doing. And that pride, even though I had a coaching organization around me, of some people that were struggling like me and some people that were successful.
When people said how are you doing? I was doing great. Cause I didn't feel comfortable being vulnerable and sharing how I was really doing.
It was only when I had had enough of that pride crap and started asking for help and started admitting to people that I wasn't doing well. It was only when I started doing that, that things started to get better for me. It was only after I hired a coach, that of course was a coach like me so that coach became not only a coach but a mentor to me.
It was only then that I started growing that business. And then once I started growing the business and I kind of hit a ceiling and that ceiling wasn't a very high ceiling. I was doing okay. I was paying the bills but I wouldn't say I had an immensely successful business by any stretch. I realized I needed to change my neighborhood again.
I realized that, you know I had been in this coaching community for a few years and now coaches were coming to me for my help, wanting to know how I built what I had built. And that was wonderful. It's flattering and I love to talk about it. And it was awesome to give back to the community. But that happened for a while and I realized that...
I needed to surround myself again with people that were blowing the doors off my business. When I first joined that coaching community, there were a whole lot of people that were doing better than I was. A whole lot of people that knew way more than I did. A whole lot of people who I looked at and said man I don't think I could ever create what they've created.
But then I kind of became one of those people. So it was time for me to upgrade. It was time for me to change my neighborhood. So I joined another coaching community. Community called Gazelles and it morphed into a community called Gravitas Impact. And I'm no longer a member of that group but I was for a decade.
And I just went back to visit recently. But upgrading my neighborhood to yet another coaching organization. And when I walked in that room for the first time, I said oh my God, there's no way I can do what these folks are doing. But again three years later, people were looking to me for my help at the same time in addition to having that coaching organization.
A number of coaches and I created a little mastermind group of five coaches. We're down to four now and the group is a little different. But we created a mastermind group of coaches where we could help each other. Yet a different part of my neighborhood. A different community. Where a number of coaches and I from all over the country helped each other.
And initially it was how do we find clients? And then some years later it turned into, what do we do when we're full? How do we fire a client? Very different conversation.
Once I got my coaching business built to a certain level and again all of a sudden more folks were coming to me for my help. And I was glad to give it because that coaching organization changed my life. not only my business, but my life. Again it was time for me to find something scary. See I get bored every once in a while.
And that helps me grow my business is that I'm always looking for that next scary thing, that next room I could put myself in where I look around and feel dumb again. So the next thing was I realized I loved speaking. And of course I was doing a lot of speaking with my clients in a boardroom, in a conference room.
But man I wanted to get on stages. Small stages, big stages. So I decided to change my neighborhood yet again. And I joined an organization called the National Speakers Association. About three and a half or four years ago. And in that National Speakers Association and I actually wound up serving on the board of the New York City chapter for two years, man I found my tribe.
I found such an amazing group of people who again initially I looked at and said I could never do what they're doing. I could never get on those stages. I could never speak at the... professional quality level they were speaking at but surrounding myself by those people at the National Speakers Association just challenged me to be better, challenged me to help others do the same thing and has brought me lifelong friends.
The same time I decided I wanted to build my personal brand. So I hooked up with an organization called the Brand Builders Group and I built yet another community there of a number of folks building their personal brands. And initially I looked at those folks and said oh my God, I can never do what they're doing.
Another great community. Most recently, podcasting. In order to start this podcast back in late March of 2023, I needed help getting myself around the community of podcasters, again within brand builders group but also going to the podcast movement conference, making some connections. There are folks who've been podcasting for years in some cases over a decade. Again finding that group of people
to challenge me, to be my best, to inspire me, to kick me in the butt when I need it, to pat me on the back when I need it. Each one of these communities have helped me take my business and my life to the next level. The other thing I've done over the last couple of years is built a team. My business was always just me.
My coaching business anyway, it was always just me but in the last few years I've built a team of an amazing photographer and expert on social media that's helped me with my branding online. His name is John DeMato. He's amazing. Xime my virtual assistant who's been unbelievable. And she edits this podcast so Xime hope you're hearing this.
You better be hearing this. But she's been amazing in helping take my business to the next level. Helping me focus on those things I'm best at. So she can focus on the other stuff like editing this podcast. and a bookkeeper cause man I hate that stuff.
So you get an idea of my story and how the people that I've surrounded myself with, whether it is family over on the business side, friends I've created from the business side, you get an idea of how important my neighborhood has been not only to building my business but giving me an incredibly fulfilling life.
So I want you to think about your neighborhood. Think about where you have the right folks around you. Where do you need to improve that neighborhood or upgrade that neighborhood or change neighborhoods like I did in going from coaching organization to a speaking organization. And I want to help you with that.
And if you're listening in your car, it may be tough for you to do this but if you're listening somewhere where you could grab a you know a pen for those of you that still use writing utensils or do it on your computer or mobile device, I want to give you some categories, some different parts of your neighborhood and I want to have you score how supportive, how inspiring that part of your neighborhood is.
I want you to score it on a scale of 1 to 10. And then for each one think about what if anything you need to do. to improve that neighborhood. So let's start with your work, your job. If you have a job, your business, if you're an entrepreneur and you run your business, but do you have the right folks surrounding you at work, whether it's your team or whether it's the company itself, are you in an environment and work that supports you and inspires you and fulfills you?
So score that on a scale of 1 to 10. And regardless of your score, whether it's a 1 or a 10. What could you do to improve that neighborhood? If you're a leader and you've got a team, maybe you've got to do some work on your team. If you're in a company and the company in general is not very supportive, inspiring, fulfilling.
Maybe you've got to look for something else but what could you do to improve your work, your job, your business neighborhood?
Second thing is business organizations. So things like I mentioned my coaching organization, the National Speakers Association, Brand Builders Group. What organizations, what business organizations are you part of?
Maybe it's a chamber, maybe it's some industry group or association. Maybe you're so busy you're not part of any groups. So rate that on a scale of 1 to 10 on how helpful, inspiring, fulfilling those groups are. And again what do you need to do to improve? Just one thing.
Next thing is coaches and mentors. Now coaching and mentoring are two very different things but I'll put them together. Do you have the right folks around you to help you think about things differently? Whether that's a coach that you hire or something more informal or whether that's a mentor that someone who is where you want to be, who could help you and give you advice and again challenge you to think differently. Where are you there on a scale of 1 to 10? And what do you need to do to improve?
The next area is mastermind groups. I mentioned that I'm part of a mastermind group of other coaches. I also meet monthly with a mastermind group of 12 other CEOs. I've had mastermind groups of speakers and still do. Are you a member
of a mastermind group? A lot of my clients and I do a lot of speaking at Vistage. Vistage is a group of 1,500+ groups of CEOs that help each other. 10, 12, 18 CEOs in a group. I'll be speaking in July of 2024 at Women's President's Organization, one of their platinum groups, I'll be speaking at McKay Executive Forums.
There are so many mastermind groups out there. Some of which like the ones I've mentioned, you need to pay for. Some of which you can just create on your own. So where are you in having masterminds? A group of people who you can help and who can help you. Group of people who will kick you in the butt when you need it, pat you on the back when you need it.
Who can help you think through challenges. Where are you on a scale of 1 to 10? And what do you need to do to improve?
What about family? Now I know you can't choose your family. You sort of can if you're choosing a husband or a wife or things like that. But you know for the most part you can't choose your family and some of my family is crazy and some I love spending time with but even though you might not be able to choose your family you can choose
who you spend time with. How much time you spend with them. The kinds of conversations you're having with them. So how supportive, how inspiring, how fulfilling, how impactful. Impactful is in a good way. Are your family relationships? Scale of 1 to 10. And how could you improve that?
Next, we've got three left. is your friends or your social groups. You know do you have the same friends you had 20, 30 years ago back in high school or some of you maybe high school was five or six years ago? And if you do that's great as long as those friendships are supportive of where you are now. They're impactful in a good way. They're inspiring. They're fulfilling.
When's the last time you made some new friends? Like I said, I did in the National Speakers Association. So your friends, your social groups on a scale of 1 to 10, score that one. And what do you need to do to improve?
Next is your local community. I tell you, I probably fall short on this one the most given the travel that I've done for good parts of my life. I haven't built a real solid local community but think of your neighbors, your local community again on a scale of 1 to 10 score that one. And what do you need to do to improve?
And then lastly religious organizations, spiritual organizations, if that's important to you, that's a big part of your life, where are you on a scale of 1 to 10? Maybe it's not a big part of your life but you want it to be. Where are you on a scale of 1 to 10 and how could you improve that?
So... those are a number of areas of your neighborhood to look at. And if you're saying man I'm perfect in all those areas, I challenge you to think a little harder. I don't think we're ever perfect anywhere. And I think if you're not learning and growing, you're dying. So if you're not trying to improve those parts of your neighborhood then you may want to challenge yourself.
Maybe you're getting a little stagnant. And I want to wrap this up with a quote by Jim Rohn that some of you may have heard but I think it summarizes this so well. And it's "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
Do the math. How could you improve your average? See you next time or hear you next time. Actually I don't hear you, you hear me. Whatever. Until next time.