When Do We Get to Be Happy?

What makes us happy?

The last focus switch I'm going to share with you all tells another personal story. So this car you see, this BMW 3 Series in light blue that you see there, was my first BMW. That's actually my car. The interesting story there, which is going to drive this last focus switch, is about this business I had where $300,000 went out the window over three years. I really dug my family a deep financial hole. It was a tough time. There were months where we weren't sure how we were going to pay the mortgage. Although this is somewhat embarrassing, because it's very materialistic, during those times when I was driving my old beat up Nissan Altima, I would look at people driving their BMWs and their Mercedes, and it pissed me off. Because I knew I was as smart as them, I was working harder than them, and here I was in my beat up Nissan Altima and they were driving a friggin BMW. And I got it hooked in my mind that if I could afford a BMW, that meant I was successful.

So I worked, and I closed that business, and I started a coaching business, and I started doing well and putting money in the bank. We had no problem paying the mortgage and I bought my first BMW. Success! I'm at the top of the mountain. I bought my first BMW. I order it and go pick it up on a Wednesday. I get in that car, they're showing me how to use all the gadgets in the car, and as I pull away from the dealership, this wave of depression comes over me. I said “What the hell is going on?” I've got a business that's successful now, I've been able to go out and buy this luxury car that's been on my mind for like five years now. Why do I feel depressed?

Luckily enough, I had a call with my coach the next morning and I said “David, what's going on? I should be thrilled. I've got my BMW, but I actually feel depressed.” And he kind of laughed, which I didn't appreciate, but he kind of laughed at me and he said "Mike, you got your BMW. You want to pat yourself on the back for that. What's next?" And I thought: I spent all these years focused on making my business and getting my business to a certain level of success, and that's all I thought about, and once I was there and I had my car and I was able to pay my mortgage, I felt this empty feeling. This feeling of you know what, I don't feel much different. I was totally disillusioned. I set this goal, I achieved this goal, and my life doesn't feel any different. What's going on here?

What it helped me realize, and I call this the happiness switch, is when do we get to be happy? We all think, "I will be happy when..." I'll be happy when I'm making a certain amount of money. I'll be happy when I can buy the big house. I'll be happy when I find a husband or a wife. I'll be happy when I have a child. I'll be happy when... And I'm sorry to tell you - that's all bullshit. You won't be happy when. It's not the destination. How many of us know of people personally or celebrities who seemingly have it all, and they're suicidal? We've all heard those stories. The happiness switch says: it's not about being happy when. It's not about the destination. It's about the journey.

What made me happy was the journey of building my business to a point where I could buy that BMW - and by the way, my goal before that was to make $75,000 a year. If I made $75,000 a year and I loved what I was doing, that's all I needed. I would be happy making $75,000 a year. What do you think happened when I made $75,000 a year? Was I happy? No. I raised the bar and I said man, you know would really make me happy? If I was making $150,000 a year. That would. And then when you hit $150,000, it's $300,000, it doesn't end. It'll never end, and it's not because we're all crazy. There's nothing wrong with that. But we have to realize it's the journey of getting from $75,000 to $150,000, to a BMW to a bigger house, to whatever it is for you. It's that journey that makes us happy. It's not the destination. Critical difference.

So my question to you is, where are you currently saying "I'll be happy when"? You're all saying it. I'll be happy when this damn COVID thing is over. I'll be happy when I get promoted. I'll be happy when we could build this business to X million dollars. My question for you is: how could you be happy now?